The last time I walked into a gym was September 2010. I must admit the reason why I can no longer attend is due to the cringe worthy participants who are more worried about their social media image then actually completing a full training session.
I thought I would compile a list of the top 9 worst people you see at the gym for some humour and most importantly to give you the opportunity to tag your mates to give them some awareness of their cringe worthy acts.
9. The Chatter Box
Loves the sound of their own voice. Will be accompanied by a guest. May sometimes resort to their smart phone for moments of loneliness. Leaves the gym with the only thing getting a workout being their mouth.
8. The Book Worm
Comes to the gym well prepared with endless amounts of reading material. This may involve the latest up to date tablet or 5 copies of Women’s Weekly. In my eyes these people are great in till they sit on the bike for 2 hours without any consideration for others who would like to use the machine.
7. Mr Intense
Spots a good looking girl and immediately thinks “how can I get her attention?” proceeds to then put his gym workout into over drive hoping “Miss Universe” will send him a wink and a mobile number. Realises after 15 minutes it’s never going to happen and leaves for the McDonald’s drive through.
6. The Shaker
Workout involves Pre Protein Shake, Mid Protein Shake and Post Protein Shake. Has no idea what’s in the shakes, just knows everyone is doing it and it looks cool.
5. The Hulk
More muscles from head to toe than between the ears. Tank tops required, short
The workout: Lifting free weights impossible for anyone else to pick up or hogging the bench press.
The mantra: “The louder I grunt, the stronger I am”
4. Wannabe Personal Trainer
Scouts the gym to look for any opportunity to provide feedback on how to use the equipment, discuss your eating routine and your weekly gym timetable. Works in a dead end job and dreams of being the next Commando or Michelle Bridges.
3. Sales Guru
Roams the gym floor to spruce the latest range of products, gym supplements and weight loss programs. Normally focuses on the vulnerable and we tell you anything to get a sale.
2. Miss Universe
Usually falls into the 16 – 28 age bracket, routine provided below:
- Completes full head of make up 5 minutes before entering the gym
- Puts on the latest Lululemon gym attire worth more than her weekly salary.
- Selfie for Instagram and Facebook to update the world “I’m a fitness Queen”. Includes these 5 hashtags: #cleaneating #fitness #hardwork #summerbody #bikini
- Enter the Gym with a bright smile, diamond stud earrings, $300 diamante Marc Jacobs watch
- Proceeds to work out on the cross trainer with 5 minute intervals of walking the gym enjoying the stares of high testosterone gym junkies.
- Vacates the gym with not one bead of sweat and updates Facebook status to tell the world they had the hardest workout of their life.
1. Mirror Image
Number 1 on my hit list. They will stand four feet back from the dumbbell rack staring into the mirror during each curl to try and see their veins pop and then suddenly they stop abruptly. They complete this same process for two hours maintaining that cringing stare.